We do it everyday, sometimes unconsciously, sometimes on purpose. Sometimes we do it to make ourselves feel better; sometimes we do it to make others laugh. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re doing it. But every time we do it we put a chink in someone else’s armor and a chink in our own.
Judging others has become almost a sport nowadays. There are movies about it: Mean Girls, Heathers and Cruel Intentions just to name a few. You see it all the time in social media and on the news about another teen succumbing to bullying and taking their own life. And I am sure some of us still deal with it on a daily basis.
I feel sorry for the children growing up in today’s society having to deal with the bullying and the teasing for being unpopular or not fitting in. It seems pretty cruel now that I am an adult looking back on my childhood. But even as an adult I still deal with judgment on a regular basis. Instead of my hair or my clothes I am now being judged on my job, where I live, or how much money I make.
If you are one of those people who has been able to shrug off the opinions of others and not really care about what others think of you, I think you are pretty badass! I personally have never been able to do that. My mom always told me that what other people thought didn’t matter, that the only opinion that did matter was my own (and maybe hers at times). My fiancé says this to me on a regular basis now too and I know both of them are right but that doesn’t make it easy. Up until recently I cared way too much about what other people though about me. I always wanted to know if someone was talking badly about me or if a new acquaintance liked me after meeting for the first time.
Planning my wedding with my fiancé has changed this about me and I couldn’t be happier! We have been engaged since November 2013 and have had quite some time to plan our big special day. Now, 100 days out from that big day, everything is coming together. From my dress to his tux and the flowers (or lack thereof) to the cake, every single thing has been handpicked by my fiancé and I. We have made every decision based on our own likes and dislikes and I have to tell you it is liberating!
As a young girl I always dreamed of this big fancy wedding with 500 guests and flowers and lace and pearls and all those things a girl dreams about. Now at 24, almost 25 years old my idea of a wedding has changed. Now it’s more about an intimacy Joe and I will share with those close to us. It’s about celebrating our love and sharing it with family and friends by having a great big party. So what better way to celebrate us than to make the party all about what we like?
Joe and I are pretty simple people, we’re not into fancy things like ice sculptures and chocolate fountains. We’re into more of the intimate things like mason jars and punch bowls. So that’s what we will be doing for our wedding, keeping it simple. I have had so many friends ask me if we’re doing this or if we’ve thought about that. I have had friends tell me that I should really think about doing this or seem shocked when I tell them I’m not doing that. And after all of the questioning and sometimes probing I just have to smile and tell them it’s just not us, and that’s okay.
This whole “this is me and that’s just how it is” attitude has been rubbing off on me at work too. I used to be so afraid to put my foot down as a lead because I didn’t want to hurt anyone that I just shrugged a lot of things off. I had that reputation of being nice and sweet and not doing anything when maybe I should have. Now I am surprising a lot of people by putting my foot down and calling people out on their mistakes. I’m getting tougher and standing up and proving myself worthy of another promotion slowly but surely.
So to those who might care a little too much about what people think: STOP! It’s okay to care a little bit, but not to the point of it becoming detrimental to yourself and your wants and needs. Take a step back every now and then and ask yourself if what you are doing right now is to please yourself or to please someone else. I think you might be surprised by your answer.
Day to Day with Britni J 